Unready
April 4, 2011
*******************************
Blair
stared at the man is complete disbelief, ÒWhat do you mean I failed?Ó
ÒNo,
no,Ó the uniformed man said. ÒIt
didnÕt fail. It just isnÕt ready.Ó
Blair
blinked a couple of times trying make sense of that statement. He looked at his car and then back at
the man. ÒDoes it need to study?Ó
The man
chucked slightly. ÒDid you have any work done on your car recently? Something that would have required that
the battery be disconnected?Ó
Blair
scratched his head. ÒWell, they had
to pull the battery when they replaced my headlight, but thatÕs beenÉ a while.Ó
ÒThat
must have been it.Ó The man slapped
Blair on the back and handed him the forms. ÒDrive it around some and come back and
get it re-tested.Ó
ÒDrive
it around? How many miles, howÉÓ
ÒIt
varies by car. Just drive it around
and come back.Ó The man walked away
toward the next car in line.
Blair
looked at the man and then down at the sheet of paper in his hand.
Overall
Result Ð Unready.
Just drive it around. He sighed and got in his car to Ôdrive
it around.Õ
~~
Jim
opened the door, put his keys in the basket, and started to take off his
jacket. ÒHi, Sandburg.Ó
Blair
glared at Jim. Then turned back to
his computer muttering, ÒStupid headlight, stupid pull the battery Ôcause itÕs easier to replace the headlight with the battery
out of the way, stupid just drive it aroundÉÓ
ÒWhatÕs
going on, buddy?Ó Jim hung his
jacket on the hook and headed to the kitchen for a beer. ÒWant one?Ó he gestured with the beer.
ÒNo. I want your gun,Ó Blair fumed.
Jim
straightened abruptly and stared at his roommate. ÒWhat did you say?Ó
Blair
waved a stack of pages at Jim and growled, ÒStupid car didnÕt pass the stupid
inspection because the stupid battery was pulled out FIVE MONTHS AGO.Ó
ÒWhoa,
whoaÉ calm down, Sandburg. Your car
didnÕt pass the emissions test?Ó
ÒNo,
it didnÕt not pass the emissions test.Ó
ÒHuh?Ó
Blair
waved the papers at his roommate.
ÒIt is Ôunready.Õ I donÕt
know if it will pass or not. Now I
have to Ôdrive it aroundÕ so that the computer sensors reset so that I can go
back and do it all over again. Do
you know how many different ways there are to do a ÔDrive CycleÕ on my stupid
car so that the stupid computer resets so that I can go back and see if it
works? IÕve found 20 so far. Twenty! Anything from Ôjust drive it around for
a couple hundred milesÕ to Ômake sure the ambient temperature is between 50 and
75 degrees Fahrenheit and the tank is 7/8ths full andÉÕ ARGH! IÕm pulling my hair out here.Ó
ÒCalm
down, Sandburg. And stop waving the
paper around if you want me to read it.Ó Jim grabbed the pages and glanced at
them. ÔIt could take one day or a year. It has to meet a certain criteria that
could depend on the climate where you live...Õ jumped off the page at
him. ÒWhat have you tried so far?Ó
ÒI drove
it around,Ó Blair grumbled sarcastically.
ÒWhy
donÕt you try this one,Ó Jim offered Blair one of the pages. ÒIt doesnÕt sound too bad. How much gas do you have?Ó
ÒI
stopped and added enough so that I have three quarters of a tank.Ó
ÒOkay,
so let it cool for eight hours and then try it,Ó Jim said patting Blair on the
back. ÒCome on, letÕs get something
to eat. IÕll buy.Ó
~~
Blair
looked at his notes.
á
Start with the engine cold.
á
Without touching the gas, start
the engine and let it idle for 12 minutes.
á
Shut off the engine.
á
Let it cool for 45 seconds
á
Without touching the gas, start
the engine and let it idle for 5 minutes.
á
Shut off the engine.
á
Let it cool for 2 minutes.
Blair continued
to the next test.
Hoping that the Ôdrive cycleÕ
worked, Blair headed back to the inspection station.
~~
Blair
stomped back in to the loft and tossed the fourth ÔunreadyÕ form on the
table. ÒI donÕt believe this.Ó
ÒI found
something that may show you when the computer is reset,Ó Jim said from his
position at the computer.
ÒReally,Ó
Blair said with some enthusiasm.
ÒThat would be a big help.Ó
ÒYup,
looks like if you turn the ignition to the second stop without starting it, all
the lights come on. Wait twenty seconds
for the check engine light to either blink five times or just go out. If it blinks, you still have a
problem. If it goes out, it should
be reset.Ó
Blair
grabbed his keys to go try it out.
The check engine light blinked at him five times. ÒWell, at least now I know.Ó He walked slowly back up the three
flights of stairs to wait for the engine to cool down again.
~~
ÒOkay,
baby. This one is going to
work. Really, IÕm pretty sure. Come on, work for me.Ó Blair sighed and looked at the new list.
á
Gas tank ¾ full
á
Engine off for 8 hours or more
á
Ambient temperature is between 20¡ and 95¡F
á
Without touching the accelerator pedal, start the engine, and let
it idle for 20 seconds.
á
Keep the vehicle in Park, increase the engine speed to 2,000 rpm,
and hold it there until the temperature gauge rises to at least 1/4 of the
scale (about 3minutes).
á
Maintain a speed of 50 to 60 mph (80 to 97 km/h) for at least 20
minutes.
á
Drive on the highway in D. Do not use the cruise control.
á
90 seconds without moving the accelerator pedal.
á
If not Édrive for at least 30 seconds, then
repeat it two more times (for a total of 90 seconds).
á
Repeat total of 3 times.
á
Then drive in city/suburban traffic for at least 10 minutes.
á
Coast for several
seconds without using the accelerator pedal or the brake pedal.
~~
Blair
trudged in to the loft and tossed his notes on the table. ÒIt didnÕt work.Ó
ÒHey,
Sandburg, did you see where you have to do the test three times before it
counts as a drive cycle?Ó
Blair
threw himself down on the couch and groaned. ÒYouÕre kidding, right?Ó
Jim
walked over and handed Blair a bottle of cold water. ÒSorry, buddy.Ó
ÒDo you
know how hard it is to coast for thirty seconds, not to mention ninety seconds? There are too many people on the
roads. ItÕs insane. THREE TIMES. Who came up with it stupid test? Why do I need a computer in my car? Why do I need a car? Maybe I should buy a bike.Ó
~~
Blair
completed the test for the third time.
His nerves were shot. His
right leg was tired from the extreme control necessary to maintain the correct
speeds with the changing road conditions.
He was very, very tired of his car.
He turned the key to the second stop. He waited and then the check engine
light wentÉ off. Blair
blinked. He turned off the car and
went inside. He dragged Jim out to
the car to see if it did it again.
The light went off.
He
sighed in relief and hoped that meant the car could be ready and further hoped
that it would pass the test. Now he
just had to wait two days for the testing site to open.
~~
Blair
hopped in his car to take it for the emission testing. He stopped on the second stop just to
double check that the engine light blinked off, just like
it did two days ago. Twenty seconds
later the engine light blinked offÉ and then back on four more times. Blair closed his eyes and sagged down in
his seat. He rapped his head on his
steering wheel a couple of times.
ÒNo, no, NO!!!Ó
The end
Feedback
is appreciated. CherylR
*****
Author
notes: You really donÕt want to
have your battery go dead or be disconnected for any reason before you get an
emission test done. Especially on a
car that is driven for a very short distance (less than 3
miles a day, no highway driving).
They are closed Sundays and Mondays, so I had to wait until Tuesday to
check. If you were wondering what
the strange noise was on TuesdayÉ now you know. I decided to see if it would pass
anyway, hoping that maybe at least one of the two sensors had reset. One of the two did reset! It passed! Huge big sigh of relief. What a hassle! Oh, and I just noticed that my car is
due in December. IÕve had to have
my car jumped for a dead battery twice in the last couple of months. Whimper.