Coyotes Weep – The Night Series
Part 8
Dawn Breaks the Night
~Blair~
Evening had long since passed into night. Blair looked around at all the bodies littered around the room in stunned disbelief.
----
After last week's support group meeting, the gang had
decided the best way to get through the anniversary was with overwhelming
numbers. They came bearing food, games,
and lighthearted movies. They were
determined that Blair would survive the night and knew of no better way to see
him through it than by surrounding him with their love and friendship.
Blair used to love parties and had always been a sucker for children… he looked down at the dog curled up in his lap…and animals.
The movies had all been watched, the games played, the food
inhaled. The kids were sound asleep in
his bed. The rest of his friends were
scattered in piles on the floor talking amongst themselves,
while he sat on the couch next to
----
A year ago, my life was changed forever. When Jim died, part of me …the best part,
died with him. The worst thing about it…
was it didn't have anything to do with us.
It wasn't a police thing, a
Blair sighed and closed his eyes. God, I'm so tired. Who would have thought that I would, or even could, miss someone so badly that it would affect my whole life. What the hell happened to 'detach with love.'
He drifted off to sleep and awoke in the blue jungle.
----
The two men immediately saw each other. With the same happy look on their faces, they ran toward each other. Jim's hug lifted Blair completely off his feet.
"Chief, I missed you so much."
"Oh man, Jim, it's so good to see you again."
The rest of the conversation was lost in the babble as the two men tried to talk to each other at the same time. Questions and answers were garbled together into indistinguishable sounds until finally they gave up trying to talk and just hugged each other again.
After a long while, they drew apart long enough to look at each other's face.
Jim harrumphed, "Who would have thought I'd have allergy problems on the spirit plane." He pulled out a handkerchief and dried his eyes then blew his nose.
Blair just sniffed and smiled understandingly. "That's right, big guy. Enough mushy stuff. So," he looked around thoughtfully "I wonder why this is the first time we've been able to be together on the spirit plane? Is it," he said hesitantly, "because 'they' were pissed at me."
"Blair," Jim shook his head in denial. "I'm sure that's not…"
"They were. It's my fault. I should have been able to…"
"Stop right there, Chief," Jim stated firmly giving his partner a shake. "I'm the one with the guilt, 'weight of the world on my shoulders' problem. You trying to take over my territory?"
"Jim," Blair sighed and bit his lip. "I just feel that if I had done something differently or been better trained, or something," he threw up his hands in disgust.
"Did you screw up?" Jim asked.
"Oh God, I don't know!" Blair said almost hysterically. "Did I? I kept going back over everything time and time again and I could never figure out a way to save you. What did I do wrong? It's my worst nightmare come true, screwing up something and you dying because of it? What should I have done, Jim? Where did I go wrong? You have to believe that I never wanted you to die. I would trade my life for yours in an instant."
"Chief. Blair. Breathe," Jim said gently. "You didn't do anything wrong. There wasn't one thing you could have done, or not done, that would have changed the outcome. Shit happens, usually to us," he said trying to get his partner to smile. "Repeat after me… It was not my fault."
Blair just looked at Jim and raised his eyebrows in disbelief.
"Blair," Jim growled.
Blair rolled his eyes at the threat. "It was not my fault," he said in a monotone voice. "I still feel like I should have…"
"Stop right there," Jim said. "It was not your fault. Say it over and over to yourself until you believe. I don't blame you," he added trying to get through to his partner.
"I blame me, Jim."
"Did want me to die?"
"Of course not, Jim! You have to believe me. I never…"
"I know," Jim interrupted, gently covered Blair's mouth to stop the flow of words. "It. Was. Not. Your. Fault. I know you did everything you could to save me. I've never blamed you. Now you need to stop blaming yourself. You need to forget about me and get back to your life."
"Forget about you! Jim, I can't just forget about you and act like nothing happened," Blair exclaimed."
"I know, I'm unforgettable," Jim smirked modestly.
"Yeah, right, big guy. In your dreams. And you know that's not what I meant."
Jim chuckled, "yeah, but it got you to smile."
"You are so weird."
"Hello pot, kettle here." Jim chuckled.
Blair whapped him and tried to return to the previous discussion. "I still feel…"
Jim interrupted again, "I'm glad you can feel. It's one of the best things about you. You care so much for people. I've missed that… and you. I've really missed you, Chief."
Blair pulled Jim into a hug and sighed. "I don't like being alone."
"You're not alone, Chief. Right now you have me and back there," Jim waved his arms, "you are surrounded by friends who care about you."
"It's not the same," Blair muttered.
"No," Jim said sadly. "It's not. But, it is better than the alternative. I miss you very much, but you don't belong here. Not yet. You still have things that need to get done and people who need you. I'll be right here, waiting for you." Jim looked off into the distance. "You'll be able to come back and visit me again. Any time you want. And I'll be able to keep an eye on you now. We have a little more time before you have to leave. So tell me how everyone else is… and don't spare the gossip," Jim said with a wicked grin.
Blair smiled and sat down to enjoy the company of his best friend for as long as he could.
Jim sighed a bit and gave Blair's shoulder a squeeze.
"Already? But… I just got here," Blair sputtered. "I haven't even told you about…"
"There will be other times, Blair. Believe it… and me."
"Of course I believe you, Jim. I just," he sighed. "I don't want to go. It's not the same without you."
"I know." Jim agreed. "The jungle is soooo quiet. I had no idea."
Blair whapped Jim. "Just for that, Big Guy, I'm out of here."
Jim gave Blair a smile and one last hug. "Take care of yourself, Chief. And just in case you don't remember the last time I said it… because you may have been in a coma or something," Jim murmured gruffly. "I'm going to say it again. I love you. You are the brother of my heart. You have protected my soul. And you taught me so much about how to live. Now I say to you. Remember what you taught me. Life is so short. Please live, Blair. Enjoy the time you have left. I'll be right here waiting for you."
The blue light of the jungle started to fade from sight, Blair last vision was of Jim standing proud and tall, like the warrior he was.
~~~~
Blair looked around the room at his sleeping friends. They had been there for him the last
year. No matter how hard he'd made it or
how angry he'd gotten. They wouldn't
leave him. They were true friends. They were really his friends too, not just
there because they felt they owed something to Jim. What a
crappy way I've been treating my friends lately. That's gotta
change, and fast. Blair got up and
grabbed an armload of blankets from the closet.
He gently tucked in his friends silently thanking them for their help
and support the past year. He also
reassured them that things… that he would be a better
friend from now on. I'll protect the tribe, Jim. You
can count of me.
The end.