FUBAR!

By JudyL

March 8, 2009

Here’s one that was inspired by one of my favorite movies. You’ll see what I mean.

Warnings: Language bleeped and implied… see the title?

Disclaimers: If I could claim them, I would, but I can’t, so I’ll just keep writing and pretending.

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“Oh man!” JD exclaimed, bouncing on the couch as his attention remained focused on the TV. “He is so FUBAR’d!”

Vin snorted. “Where’d you hear that?”

Buck chuckled. “TNT was playing ‘Tango and Cash’ the other night.”

JD nodded, but kept watching the action/adventure movie they’d chosen to keep the current invalids on the team ‘quiet’ for the evening.

Vin grimaced as he resettled his sprained ankle on the cushioned footstool. “You don’t even know what FUBAR means, kid,” he drawled challengingly.

JD twisted in his spot to look Vin in the eye. “F***ked up beyond all recognition, Vin. Duh! And I’m not a kid. I’m only a few years younger than you, JUNIOR!”

Vin snorted again and looked to Chris. Help me out, Cowboy.

“Don’t call me cowboy,” Chris mumbled.

Buck elbowed his old friend with a grin. “Junior didn’t say anything, pard.”

“Yeah he did,” Chris growled. “Besides,” he said turning the argument back to Vin and JD, “neither one of you were even born when ‘Tango and Cash’ was released, so I doubt either one of you knows what FUBAR really means.”

“Was too!” Vin and JD protested together.

“It was just a few years ago, Chris,” Ezra corrected. “1998, I believe.”

“Oh ho!” Buck said. “So Ezra, are you admitting to actually watching it when it first came out? You, watch a ‘cop’ movie??” he grinned, teasing Ezra about his claim of not liking to watch ‘cop’ movies because they were so unrealistic. Never mind that he never protested their choices on movie night and had even suggested a few so-called ‘cop’ movies himself. Appearances must be kept, after all.

“I rather like the film,” Ezra admitted. “I think Kurt Russell did a splendid job playing Cash.”

Stallone’s character, Tango was tougher,” Nathan argued.

“Of course you would think the muscleman was tougher,” Ezra chided. “But Cash was the real brains of the show.”

“You would think that, Ez,” Vin cut in. “Cash had to wear a dress!”

Ezra leveled a one-eyed glare at the sharpshooter, but refrained from throwing a handful of popcorn at him to spare his bruised ribs.

“We are getting off topic here a bit, brothers,” Josiah interrupted before the food started to fly. “I think for a true example of FUBAR we might look to the movie itself.”

“Yeah!” JD said. “Like when they put a live grenade down that bad guy’s pants.”

The others cringed, but nodded in agreement.

“How about,” Chris started, “when they crushed that Terminator. He was definitely FUBAR.”

They nodded, but Vin shrugged and added, “yeah, but he came back.”

Chris did toss a piece of popcorn at him. Vin caught it and popped it in his mouth. “Thanks, cowboy.” Chris rolled his eyes.

Josiah leaned back and put his hands behind his head. “I would think that anyone that Hellboy hit in the face would have to be considered FUBAR.”

That comment earned him popcorn from six sides as they protested Josiah’s mention of his favorite movie character.

After a small popcorn war, they started cleaning up. Vin and Ezra directed as they had been instructed to rest earlier in the evening, and by their definition resting did not include picking up popcorn. Consequently, all the popcorn ended up in one of two laps, without the aid of a bowl.

Finally, when order had been restored, Buck plopped back down into his seat. “I know, the ultimate example is those guys in ‘Falcon Down’ who got decompressed in the sinking submarine.”

“Please,” JD said. “That pilot was so stupid.”

“He was not!” Buck protested.

“Was too!”

“Was not!” a handful of popcorn made an appearance.

“Stop!” Chris ordered. “We just got cleaned up, no more food fights.

Buck dropped the used popcorn back into the bowl and sunk back into his seat. “Was not,” he mumbled.

JD just smirked.

Nathan shook his head. “What about the guys that got scrambled in the transporter in Star Trek? That’s what I call FUBAR.”

The others grimaced, but nodded in agreement.

“And the bad guy, Jaws in the Bond film,” Ezra said, “didn’t he get crushed in a compactor?”

“Nah,” JD said, “You’re thinking of a different movie. I think that guy got blown out an airplane.”

“Hey!” Vin said. “I know. What about that guy in that western series we like, you know, the Powderman, when he got blown up by his own dynamite.”

Ooo, that’s right,” JD grimaced.

“That man was indeed FUBAR,” Josiah agreed.

“Toast, even,” Nathan added with a laugh.

“He deserved it,” Buck said with a huff.

“Most definitely,” Ezra said.

“Yep,” Chris drawled, leaning back and sticking an unlit cigar in his mouth. “Messing with the Magnificent Seven will definitely get you FUBAR.”

The end

Feedback is appreciated. JudyL

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Movie references:

Hellboy – starring Ron Perlman

Falcon Down – starring Dale Midkiff

The Terminator – starring Michael Biehn

Anthony Starke starred in a James Bond film – his character was shot multiple times, but I don’t think it qualified as FUBAR<G>

Rick Worthy starred in a Star Trek episode

Sorry, I couldn’t work Andrew’s movies in so he had to share with Eric and of course the rest of the boys in the Magnificent Seven episode ‘Wagon Train.’